About two weeks ago I went out en femme to pick up one of my friends who was going to visit me for awhile. On that outing I discovered two things about myself of which I must say I am very proud of. The first being that my friends parents who have known me for almost 12 years did not recognize me at all. They had no clue who I was or why I was there. I barely got a peep out because I actually was to busy laughing and smiling and to be honest blushing. This means that while en femme no one not even those closest to me would be able to tell who I am not just physically but also that my voice has changed enough as well to be completely unrecognizable. I was at first very nervous to step out of the house en femme and to be honest was even shaking at times for fear of how others would view me. But thanks to this new found revelation I am not only more comfortable going out en femme but I am more proud then I have ever been do to the progress I have made. Before stepping out I wanted to take a picture to show you all, I do apologize I am very camera shy but I hope you all like what you see.
 |
| I must say that I look very good! |
As I am sure you are now aware by the picture that I have noticeably lost weight. For those unfamiliar with how much I have lost, I started my weight loss plan in April of this year. At the time I weighed 334 lbs. and even walked with a cane do to severe muscle weakness in my left leg. I had hoped that through the weight loss plan that I am on that I would lose enough to be able to walk without the cane. Little did I know that goal would be reached before my first year on the plan was up. TA DA! I am now able to fully walk, run, jump, climb stairs, etc without the aid of the cane. At times it can give out but hopefully that will stop when I lose more weight. But starting out in April at 334 lbs. I have been on this plan for 5 months when August 29th rolls around. I am now down to an amazing 249 lbs! That means I have lost a total of 85 lbs. in such a short amount of time! I have went down almost three pants sizes and almost two shirt sizes, which is great but it makes switching out my wardrobe almost impossible because my closet is now divided into three sections: what I used to wear, what I currently wear, and what I will soon be able to wear. Even with all that I am feeling better then ever about my weight and my over all appearance.
Speaking of my appearance, I must comment on the fact that while I am at work I dress in the typical uniform of a Walmart employee: black pants, blue collared shirt, and the ugly ugly vest. Now with this and the fact that I wear my hair normally up I have only on occasion been refereed to as female in the past. I also speak in a natural tone. Well little did I know that without my knowledge I have been speaking in my natural voice which has now become my feminine voice, which I used to have two distinct voices: one for Adam and the other for Gwen. But not anymore, now I am always speaking as Gwen and I have to force myself to speak like Adam. But I digress, the point I am trying to make is that now about 95% of the time I am refereed by customers as female. This going on without me being en femme or having told them at all what I prefer to go by. It honestly makes me smile every time it happens because it means that all my hard work is starting to pay off.
But alas, I must say that I might be moving from where I currently live. I love my current place but if things work out and I get this new job. Not only will I be either a shift or assistant store manager making anywhere from $20,000 to $50,000 a year with a full benefits package that includes dental, health, vision, and a 401k but I will also be financially more stable. This in turn means I can afford to save more money for the surgery, which hopefully the health plan will cover. I should know whether I got the job sometime within the week, he had said that he would be in contact with me hopefully by this Friday. According to his secretary, this means that I probably got the 3rd and final interview with the HR manager which is basically the hiring interview and to fill out paperwork. I am so excited and I really hope I get the job and have a chance to shine.
With having mentioned the surgery some things have recently developed along the medical lines of the transition. One being the fact that I am now seeing a therapist who has in turn given me contact information for another. The goal of which is not only get the psychological support needed but to get referral letters for surgery. Now many of you may not know this but in order for the GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) to be done certain goals must be done this is listed under the WPATH's (World Professional Association for Transgender Health) Standards of Care. Those being that one must have two referral letters from qualified health professionals, a persistent and well documented history of gender dysphoria, the capacity to make a fully informed decision and to consent to treatment, be 18 years or older, if significant medical issues are present to have them reasonably under control, twelve continuous months of hormone therapy, and twelve continuous months of living in the gender role that is congruent with one's gender identity. I will provide a link to those curious about the Standards of Care, it covers quite a bit of information not just limited to the scope of medical treatment but also standard information about those suffering with gender dysphoria. Here is said link : WPATH's Standards of Care
Now you may be thinking surely there is not much more that could be going on. Well you would be sorely mistaken my friends. For you see today, I went to the courthouse and filed a Petition of Name Change. Within the next 30 days I will receive my court date to appear before the judge and plead my case to have my name formally changed to Gwendolyn. I have honestly never been more terrified and exhilarated as when I turned in the forms at the clerk's office. I will be appearing in court en femme to please my case, I will also be required to publish my court date in the newspaper. In addition to doing so I will also post the date on here so that if any of my supporters wish to come and voice their support can do so. I know that unfortunately I will have nay sayers and haters appear in court probably in mass. I had asked if they could have a closed hearing which would prevent not only the haters from appearing but also I would not be required to publish the court date and information in the paper for my own safety. So I look forward to seeing you all there if you can and if not I know you go with me in spirit.
Now at this point you maybe worried about my own safety. Well, this next part will probably give you a heart attack. A couple weeks ago I got up to go to work only to find that my two front tires had been slashed. The cost to replace them was a grand total of $160 roughly, which did not cover alignment charges which I still have to get done soon. Needless to say this honestly frightened me, I was not aware of any hate around me do to the fact that I have not personally experienced it before then. And regrettably I have experienced two other such cases, which thinking back one of these accord before the tire slashing incident the other having only happened the other night. The one that happened before the tire incident was me actually being pulled over while en femme for supposedly failing to stop at a stop sign. Now let me say just one thing, the stop sign in question if you do not stop at you will be hit, there is no question do to the amount of traffic going through. And at the time that I supposedly failed to stop a semi had just rushed past me meaning that if I had failed to stop I would have been a smear on the wind shield. Now the funny part about this is that the police cruiser in question saw this, past me, and did not turn on their lights nor pursue me until I had almost reached my turn about half a mile from the stop sign in question. Luckily though, I only got a warning and the female police officer was very polite and did not react negatively towards me. Which leads me to believe that the reason I was pulled over was not do to her, but her male partner her who driving at the time. Sadly this was not the only time I have had a run in with the police, this next and most recent incident occurred this past Sunday. I was driving home from work and instead of going through interstate I decided to cut through town. I had past a cruiser parked in a dark area of a stores parking lot, obeying all laws mind you. I thought nothing of it until here I am passing the town line and the cop car is still following me. Their lights not on just following me in the dark. At this point I was like ok what is going. Well they continue following me for about 3 miles at this point I am starting to freak out so I pulled into a gas station about a mile away from my house to get gas and to see if they were following me and worse case scenario that if they are they would not attempt anything in an area that is highly crowded with video surveillance. To my shock and ensuing panic attack they proceeded to follow me into the gas station, I am staring at them in my rear view mirror as I turn to go park at a pump. However the moment I get out of my vehicle and look around they are no where to be seen. Solidifying in my mind that not only were these cops following me, most likely in hopes to find where I live, but I might of just had my life saved by the quick thinking to pull into a public and crowded place. So here is hoping that no more such events occur between now and when I have to move.
And with that I can finally say that you are now up-to-date. I look forward to losing more weight and hopefully hitting the 100 lbs lost marker this month, only 15 more pounds to go, successfully changing my name, and getting my new job and in turn a new place. And if or when I do move I will be abandoning my male persona and living fully as Gwen, which I cannot wait to do. But I have held you up for so long with such a long post. I will let you go, but do check back for the court date and if I got the new job.
Until then,
~Gwen
P.S. I almost forgot to inform you all but my next post will be the starting of my vlog I had mentioned earlier. So be sure to check for updates regularly.
